By: Ralph Marston

I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.

One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn’t realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.

My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy’s mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad’s voice over the wind yell, “Bart, Hold on tightly.” So I did.

The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.

I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy’s mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, “Tammy, don’t fall!” And Tammy did fall.

My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.

This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can’t visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn’t get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, “Don’t drop it!” Naturally, I dropped the ball.

My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper “Self-Talk.” They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn’t. I’ll never make it pro, but I’m now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.

Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, “Okay, try to drop the pencil.” Observe what they do.

Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, “You weren’t paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again.” Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.

The point is made. If you tell your brain you will “give it a try,” you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a “no try” rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won’t. Either they will be at the party or they won’t. I’m brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don’t know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words “I’ll try” come out of my mouth unless I’m teaching this concept in a seminar.

If you “try” and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can’t make a decision I will tell the truth. “Sorry John. I’m not sure if I will be at your party or not. I’ve got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here, Insha Allah. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite.”

People respect honesty. So remove the word “try” from your vocabulary.

My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.

These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children. Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.

So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you short changing yourself with toxic self-talk like, “I’m fat. Nobody will like me. I’ll try this diet. I’m not good enough. I’m so stupid. I’m broke, etc. etc.”

If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue. Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words. Notice when you or other people use them.

* BUT: Negates any words that are stated before it.
* TRY: Presupposes failure.
* IF: Presupposes that you may not.
* MIGHT: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener.
* WOULD HAVE: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn’t actually happen.
* SHOULD HAVE: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn’t actually happen (and implies guilt.)
* COULD HAVE: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn’t actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
* CAN’T/DON’T: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.

Examples:
* Toxic phrase: “Don’t drop the ball!”
* Likely result: Drops the ball
* Better language: “Catch the ball!”
* Toxic phrase: “You shouldn’t watch so much television.”
* Likely result: Watches more television.
* Better language: “I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!”

Exercise:
* Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic Self-Talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.
Forge a positive relationship with the world around you and the world will become a better place for you to live. And remember: Make positive Self-Talk a daily practice.

Copied from an email :D 

THIS letter, written by Vietnamese immigrant Ha Minh Thanh working in
> Fukushima as a policeman to a friend in Vietnam, was
>  posted on New America Media on March 19. It is a testimonial to   the
> strength of the Japanese spirit, and an interesting slice of
>  life near the epicenter of Japan 's crisis at the Fukushima   nuclear
> power plant. It was translated by NAM editor Andrew Lam,
>  author of "East Eats West: Writing in Two Hemispheres." Shanghai
> Daily condensed it.
>
>  Brother,
>
>  How are you and your family? These last few days, everything was   in
> chaos. When I close my eyes, I see dead bodies. When I open my  eyes, I
> also see dead bodies.
>
>  Each one of us must work 20 hours a day, yet I wish there were 48
> hours in the day, so that we could continue helping and rescuing
> folks.
>
>  We are without water and electricity, and food rations are near   zero.
> We barely manage to move refugees before there are new
>  orders to move them elsewhere.
>
>  I am currently in Fukushima , about 25 kilometers away from the nuclear
> power plant. I have so much to tell you that if I could
>  write it all down, it would surely turn into a novel about human
> relationships and behaviors during times of crisis.
>
>  People here remain calm - their sense of dignity and proper behavior
> are very good - so things aren't as bad as they could
>  be. But given another week, I can't guarantee that things won't   get
> to a point where we can no longer provide proper protection
>  and order.
>
>  They are humans after all, and when hunger and thirst override
> dignity, well, they will do whatever they have to do. The
>  government is trying to provide supplies by air, bringing in food  and
> medicine, but it's like dropping a little salt into the
>  ocean.
>
>  Brother, there was a really moving incident. It involves a little
> Japanese boy who taught an adult like me a lesson on how to
>  behave like a human being.
>
>  Last night, I was sent to a little grammar school to help a charity
> organization distribute food to the refugees. It was a  long line that
> snaked this way and that and I saw a little boy  around 9 years old. He
> was wearing a T-shirt and a pair of   shorts.
>
>
>  It was getting very cold and the boy was at the very end of the   line.
> I was worried that by the time his turn came there wouldn't
>  be any food left. So I spoke to him. He said he was at school when the
> earthquake happened. His father worked nearby and was
>  driving to the school. The boy was on the third floor balcony   when he
> saw the tsunami sweep his father's car away.
>
>  I asked him about his mother. He said his house is right by the  beach
> and that his mother and little sister probably didn't make
>  it. He turned his head and wiped his tears when I asked about his
> relatives.
>
>  The boy was shivering so I took off my police jacket and put it on him.
> That's when my bag of food ration fell out. I picked it
>  up and gave it to him. "When it comes to your turn, they might   run
> out of food. So here's my portion. I already ate. Why don't
>  you eat it?"
>
>  The boy took my food and bowed. I thought he would eat it right away,
> but he didn't. He took the bag of food, went up to where
>  the line ended and put it where all the food was waiting to be
> distributed.
>
>  I was shocked. I asked him why he didn't eat it and instead added it to
> the food pile. He answered: "Because I see a lot more
>  people hungrier than I am. If I put it there, then they will
> distribute the food equally."
>
>  When I heard that I turned away so that people wouldn't see me cry.
>
>
>  A society that can produce a 9-year-old who understands the concept of
> sacrifice for the greater good must be a great
>  society, a great people.
>
>  Well, a few lines to send you and your family my warm wishes. The hours
> of my shift have begun again.
>
>  Ha Minh Thanh
>
>
> ************ LESSON TO LEARN FROM JAPAN ***********
>
> *10 things to learn from Japan.*
>
> *1. THE CALM*
>      Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has
> been elevated.
>
> *2. THE DIGNITY*
>      Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a
> crude
> gesture.
>
> *3. THE ABILITY*
>      The incredible architects, for instance. Buildings swayed but didn’t
> fall.
>
> *4. THE GRACE*
>     People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody
> could
> get something.
>
> *5. THE ORDER*
>     No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just
> understanding.
>
> *6. THE SACRIFICE*
>     Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the N-reactors. How
> will
> they ever be repaid?
>
> *7. THE TENDERNESS*
>     Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong
> cared
> for the weak.
>
> *8. THE TRAINING*
>      The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they
> did just that.
>
> *9. THE MEDIA*
>      They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly
> reporters.
> Only calm reportage.
>
> *10. THE CONSCIENCE*
>       When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the
> shelves and left quietly!
>
>